I was asked in a letter recently what am I most afraid of.  The question has stuck with me and has been something I want to address on this site, but have been uncertain how I can address it in a way that is uplifting and empowering– and tells the truth at the same time.

What is fear? Isn’t it just another emotion? An emotion we have attached a meaning to? I heard a great story once about that.

There was a woman who was an amazing singer but was terrified of being up on stage– the terror crippled her to the point of ruining her career because she couldn’t perform live. When asked what the fear felt like she answered: “My palms get all sweaty, my heart starts to beat really fast, my breath gets quick and short, and then I just know I can’t do it.”  Take this and compare it to Bruce Springsteen who loves to perform: when asked how he feels when he knows he is ready to get up on stage he responds:  “My palms get all sweaty, my heart starts to race, my breathing is excited, and I just know I am ready to go on stage.”   Aren’t those the same feelings? Each person has just attached a different meaning to that feeling. I try and remember this story anytime I feel fear pulling on me.

Some of my fears have come with age unfortunately. When I was younger I would do just about anything, not just about, I would do anything. I would rock climb with no ropes, I would cliff jump off 40-foot cliffs. I remember sneaking into my cousin’s house as a kid and climbing up one of those ivy fences, grabbing onto the gutter, scaling that and then climbing over the second story balcony. I had no fear as a child. But as an adult, I have found that for me fear comes when I have the perception that I am not in control. Now, when I am at great heights, I have that little tingle in the base of my spine that tells my brain I am not safe. When I think back on my childhood however, I had that tingle then; it just told me I was doing something exciting, not scary.

There are different kinds of fear and I treat them differently. Sometimes when I feel fear now I see it as an opportunity. Fear is a message to me that there are things I can work on. That there is potential for me to stretch myself in ways that I wouldn’t be able to if I succumbed to the fear. Fear often tells me that the thing I am fearing is exactly the thing I need to be doing. If my fear is of being alone, I schedule time to be alone and sit with the fear so that I can hear what it is telling me. If I am having fear around heights, I keep climbing (with ropes, I no longer climb without them), because that stretches my body (and the feeling of success and achievement I get at the top is incredible!)  Why I believe it is important to walk into these fears instead of away from them is because they were most likely put in place because of something you might have experienced in the past. If you look at the fear in the eye– it gives you the chance to decide whether or not the fear is serving you.

There is a different kind of fear, which is valid and legitimate and is important to listen to.  The fear you may get when walking down a dark alley at night when suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck go up and your intuition kicks in and says “get the F#@k out of this ally!” I listen to that one. That one is my higher self, my intuition, and my guides, whatever you want to call that. And I don’t feel the need to sit in that fear and explore that.

With all that said, I have not yet answered the question of what am I most afraid of? I think my deepest fear is that I won’t be able to make difference in this world, or that I won’t be enough. How do I deal with that every day? I do things that make a difference, even if it’s on a small scale. If one person breathed easier because of me today, I have succeeded. And to be enough? Well, I do what I can. I ask myself daily, how can I be the best me I can be today?

I am also afraid of strange bugs crawling on me, not all bugs, I love spiders, and bees, but almost all the other bug creatures, like roaches, and ticks… no thank you, you stay in your space and I will stay in mine.

If you would like to share what you are most afraid of and share how you are dealing with that please do: I would love to hear from you.